Aftermath 4 - Victoria
by Vol lady
Summary: I was reviewing my stories and realized I left someone important out of the "Aftermath Trilogy," so here is the missing piece, an extension of the end of the episode "Days of Wrath."


Aftermath – Victoria

Victoria and Audra arrived in Stockton in the buckboard, planning to purchase some needed supplies and to take care of a few other things, independently. They had driven to town almost in silence, but then so much around the ranch had been going on in silence, since Nick and Heath returned with Jarrod from Rimfire only two weeks earlier. It hardly seemed unusual anymore.

Jarrod's physical injuries from his disastrous attempt to take his grief and anger out on Cass Hyatt were practically healed now – the bullet wound to the side of his forehead was hardly noticeable, and several nights of good food and sleep had alleviated the weakness that had kept him homebound. But he was still sullen, still without a smile at all, still so far away from his family that it was painful to see. His family tried to keep up the optimism around him, but in private each one of them worried and grieved for the man who seemed to have disappeared.

No one was as worried as Victoria was, and no one kept that worry more to herself. Victoria felt that she had to be the one to help Jarrod carry his problems right now, but how in the world to do it was something that was still eluding her. She was shedding more tears over it than she would ever admit to anyone. Most of the time, she just didn't know what to do.

Audra had things to do at the church, so Victoria dropped her off there and drove on to the general store. Once there, she climbed out and tied the rig to the hitching rail, but before she got into the store, she heard Sheriff Madden call her name.

"Hello, Fred," she said with a weary smile as he approached.

"Victoria," he said, tipping his hat as he approached. "How are you?"

She nodded. "Fine."

Fred Madden saw right through it. "How is Jarrod doing?"

The smile faded a bit. "Coming along."

Sheriff Madden quieted his voice, and he looked into her eyes. "I talked to Nick about things when he was in town the end of last week. He told me everything that happened in Rimfire. Everything."

Victoria just nodded.

"I thought you ought to know that Cass Hyatt was here," the sheriff continued.

Victoria's eyes flashed, with both anger and worry.

"Marshals brought him in the day before yesterday. He pled guilty in court yesterday and was sentenced right away. He got life. They've already taken him off to Quentin."

Now her anger pushed her worry aside. "Life? Why didn't you let us know he was being sentenced? We should have had the chance to be heard. Jarrod should have had the chance to be heard."

Sheriff Madden shook his head. "You're not going to like what I'm about to say."

"Well, just say it."

"When Dr. Merar first saw Jarrod for that head injury, right after he first came home, the doctor came and talked to me. He didn't tell me any specifics, just that he was concerned about Jarrod and things in general out at the ranch. When Nick was in town last week, I talked to him about that, and I told him about the hearing yesterday. Nick said he'd discuss it with you, but I guess he didn't."

Victoria's anger now went straight to her second son. "No. He didn't say a word."

"Don't be too hard on him, Victoria. He was worried sick about Jarrod, about him facing Hyatt again, even in a courtroom. If he didn't say anything to you, it's because he was so worried. Victoria, you've got a troubled family out there. But you already knew that."

All the defensive emotions left her in a rush. "I already knew that," she said quietly. "The ironic part is, it's usually been Jarrod who's seen us through the hard times. Now we can't seem to do the same for him."

Sheriff Madden shook his head again. "Not so, Victoria. Nick was trying to take care of him as best he knew how, and you are too. It wouldn't have done Jarrod any good to come to court. Might even have done him a lot of harm. And it probably wouldn't have changed the sentence anyway. The judge based it on Hyatt confessing, saving the county a long trial."

Victoria was still angry, at the injustice of it. Jarrod was the one who had gotten Hyatt to confess in the first place, and now to be cheated by the court sparing his life –

But she thought further about it. Jarrod had coerced that confession. Maybe it was wiser that Jarrod be kept far away from that sentencing hearing. If what he had done – and the way he had done it - had come out in a court record, it would have damaged him and his career even further.

Victoria just nodded. "I understand what you're saying, Fred. And you're right, Nick was just trying to protect his brother." She took a deep breath. "It will take us a while to work through this, but we will work through it. Thank you for letting me know about Hyatt."

She started away.

"Victoria," the sheriff said.

She stopped.

"A while back, you and I talked about Jarrod. He's an angry man, Victoria. Always has been, but he's directed it in a good way all this time. He's been angry about injustice, and he's been angry with people who hurt other people. I suspect he's found ways of ignoring that it's anger that drives him. That's changed now."

"What are you saying, Fred?"

"He's still angry. He'll always be angry, but now he knows it and how bad it can be. He has to learn to live with that rather than go back to believing it's not there. That's a tall order for any man."

"Jarrod isn't just any man."

"No. He's a Barkley. He has the family behind him and that makes the difference. I've seen it in dozens of men. It's the ones who don't have anyone who fall off the edge and stay there. I just want you to know that I believe Jarrod will come back from this. And if there's anything I can do to help him, or to help you, you can call on me. If there's anything I can do to help make this come out right, I'll do it."

Victoria smiled, more than she had in quite a while, and nodded. "I know, Fred. Thank you."

XXXXXXXX

The uneasiness at home continued into that evening, into drinks before dinner, and dinner, and after dinner coffee. Oh, yes, there was casual conversation, as usual, but Jarrod said very little.

After the family parted company to prepare for bed, Victoria got herself ready and then went back downstairs. She found Jarrod sitting in his favorite chair in front of the fire, the one where he did his deepest thinking. She was only mildly surprised. She suspected he'd been down here late at night, probably every night since he'd gotten home from Rimfire. It would have been just like him.

She approached him, touching his back. He looked over at her, apparently not at all surprised by her touch. His gaze was empty, preoccupied. He looked away again, back into the fire.

Victoria sat down on the coffee table, in front of him. "I saw the sheriff when I was in town this afternoon," she said quietly. "They sentenced Cass Hyatt. They gave him life."

Jarrod looked at her for a moment, then back into the fire.

"Don't feel cheated, Jarrod."

"I don't," he said quietly, and then he said more. "All I feel is shame. I discovered something inside myself that I never knew existed. I pray to God I never find it again."

It was more than he'd said, and about deeper feelings, since he came home. Victoria didn't know how to reply, and she regretted what she did say as soon as she said it. "Just forget about it."

Jarrod looked at her. "All of it?"

"Oh, no, Jarrod, no. Not Beth."

"She was part of it."

"Not that part. Not the ugliness."

Victoria was afraid she was going to break down in front of him. When he looked away and back into the fire, she got up and, touching his back again, left him.

But no.

She turned around and came back, sitting back down on the coffee table. He looked up at her again.

"No, I just said something – wrong," she said. "I just dismissed the pain you're in, and I never want to do that. Your pain is my pain, Jarrod. I never want to belittle it."

Jarrod just shook his head and looked away again. "I don't feel belittled."

"I also gave you terrible advice."

Jarrod looked at her again. He didn't seem to understand.

"Don't forget about it," she said. "Don't forget about any of it, especially not the ugliness. That's a part of you that you have to remember is there. That's a part of you that you have to learn to accept if you're ever going to be the man you thought you were."

"I'm not the man I thought I was," he said softly. "I'm not."

Victoria took his hand. "And you think you're not the man Beth loved. You think that man was a fraud, but he wasn't, Jarrod. He was just – incomplete. To be complete, you'll have to find a way to love even that man that you found inside of you, the one that you hate right now."

"Can you love him?" Jarrod asked, obviously doubting.

Victoria smiled. "A very wise man told me that the part of you that you're ashamed of right now has always been there. That you were always very angry, deep down. He saw it, even when you didn't, even when I didn't, or when we chose not to see it."

Jarrod looked confused, but only for a moment. Then he looked like he was even more ashamed than he was before. He looked back into the fire. "Maybe I always did know the anger was there. Maybe you're right, I just refused to admit it to myself. I refused to admit that I could be so brutal, and that I could like it."

That was chilling and difficult for Victoria to hear, but she swallowed it. "Jarrod, I don't believe that you're going to spend the rest of your life enjoying the brutality. If you were, you wouldn't be feeling the shame you feel right now."

Jarrod sighed, but did not look at her.

Victoria went on. "This wise man also told me that he knew you had the love and support of your family, and that would make all the difference for you. I've always loved you, Jarrod, and I love the part of you that you hate right now. I always will love you. Never doubt that, even when you doubt yourself. Learn to love that man you hate right now. Don't forget about him. Take that anger and use it as you've always used it before – to fight for what's right, to fight for the law."

Jarrod hesitated, but then he nodded - very uncertainly, but he nodded. He lifted her hand and kissed it.

Victoria got up and kissed him on the forehead. Then she left him to himself again.

As she climbed back upstairs, she stopped at the landing and looked back down at him, still sitting there. She knew that one brief conversation was not going to bring back the son she loved. There was going to have to be a lot of talking, a lot of quiet time for reflecting, a lot of facing it and a lot of leaving it alone. Understanding and accepting things that were very hard to accept was going to take a lot of time. The road was going to be very, very long.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she went on to bed.

THE END


End file.
